How Not to Talk to Your Kids

The Inverse Power of Praise.

When parents praise their children's intelligence, they believe they are providing the solution to this problem. According to a survey conducted by Columbia University, 85 percent of American parents think it's important to tell their kids that they're smart. In and around the New York area, according to my own (admittedly nonscientific) poll, the number is more like 100 percent. Everyone does it, habitually. The constant praise is meant to be an angel on ... Full Story »

Posted by Kaizar Campwala
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Subjects: Living
Topics: Parenting
Member Tags: child-rearing
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Posted by: Posted by Kaizar Campwala - Feb 19, 2007 - 9:06 AM PST
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4.9
by Patricia Blochowiak - Oct. 1, 2008

This is one of the better descriptions of the current state of the science of human behavior as it relates to motivation. The journalist chose one of the most highly respected researchers in the nation for the beginning of the story, moving on to the author of the opposing viewpoint, who is now supporting praising effort, rather than "building self-esteem." It would, perhaps, be more convincing to the lay public if it included a more extensive discussion of the need for rigorous ... More »

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4.6
by Bob McInnis - Oct. 1, 2008

Comprehensive examination of praise and children's reaction to expectations and challenges. Po Bronson conducted numerous interviews with academics, parents and children and compiles it well in this 5 page report.

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3.4
by Andy Jamieson - Oct. 1, 2008

I agree with Jami. These studies appear to be engineered to affirm a pre-existing conclusion about manipulating children: If we praise their "intelligence", kids will avoid problems they don't find easy. Whereas if we praise their "effort", they'll work at difficult problems. What happened to the control test, where you don't do any manipulation at all? "Well done, Gertrude. You figured out that problem. Knowledge is its own reward, eh Gerti?"

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4.0
by Kaizar Campwala - Oct. 1, 2008
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4.2
by Dale Penn - Oct. 1, 2008
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4.0
by Nick Pollitt - Oct. 1, 2008
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4.4
by Jami Dwyer - Oct. 1, 2008

The overall point of the article, that specific types of praise may be more effective encouragement for children than simply saying "you're smart!", is well-supported. Unfortunately, the studies showing that simple "you're smart" praise is harmful were not as convincing. They related one line of praise given after one test to the behaviour of a small group of children, and extrapolated why those children behaved as they did based on that single line. Those explanations are presented ... More »

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4.4
by Matt Rollefson - Oct. 1, 2008

The author cites her sources and makes clear arguments. The discussion is interesting, and the author brings the story home by showing how her research affected her own parenting behavior. There's certainly room for more science in this area, but the studies cited were very interesting. It's perhaps worth noting that the researcher who reviewed those 15,000 papers was predisposed to the *opposite* conclusion from the article, but threw out most of the papers because they used bad ... More »

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